


December

by simpleandpure22



Series: The Unlikely [2]
Category: Football RPF
Genre: Christmas, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-02
Updated: 2015-12-31
Packaged: 2018-05-04 09:52:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 8,935
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5329772
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/simpleandpure22/pseuds/simpleandpure22
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jonas and Marco try to make things work between them.</p><p>It all happens in December.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Time

**Author's Note:**

> This has become sort of a continuation of my previous Reumann fic: [The Distance Between You and Me](http://archiveofourown.org/works/5251157). 
> 
> You don't have to read it before this, but it will help you to understand the story better. :)

Today is one of those days that are supposed to be good, supposed to be fun. But it isn’t. Jonas can’t feel more detached from his surroundings than he does. The visit to the children’s hospital is great, of course. Looking at the faces of the children when they see the players brings a smile to Jonas’s face. The pure joy, and it’s touching how they seem to forget their pain for a moment.

But then it’s quickly over and they’re off to the autograph signing in the Christmas party. Even as he’s sitting between Gonzalo and Nuri, signing every single thing being handed to him, Jonas can’t shake off the uneasy feeling in his chest. From where he sits, he can’t see Marco at all. He wishes he could. Although he’s not sure if it will make him feel better, seeing how Marco has been with Pierre all day, looking utterly—happy.

It can’t be jealousy that he is feeling, can it? Jonas knows that Pierre is Marco’s best friend in the team, and that’s it. But he can’t help noticing how carefree and radiant Marco is when he is with Pierre. Unlike when he is with… him.

Jonas is startled as Nuri gently nudges his side. Smiling apologetically, he pulls the shirt Nuri has signed towards himself and signs it. He shouldn’t feel like this. Marco is only doing what Jonas wants, as in not letting their teammates know about their relationship yet. Jonas thinks he isn’t ready for that; for all the curious questions he’ll need to answer, all the scrutinising glances he’ll get. Marco is being incredibly patient with him.

But Jonas can’t help wondering for how long.

~*~

When the autograph session is done, they are serving beers to the fan club members. Jonas is helping Gonzalo and Mats with the glass, trying his best not to look too glum. He should let the Christmas spirit rub on him. Like his teammates who enjoy their tasks.

He glances at Marco who is taping some beer not so far from him. The blond is so absorbed in what he is doing, doesn’t notice that Jonas is watching him. _Yeah, you kind of asked for it._ If they didn’t need to hide their relationship from the world he could come to Marco and smile at him. And Marco would smile back, probably would try to find excuses to brush his arm against Jonas’s. It would be nice.

“Are there more glasses?” Mats asks, craning his head to look at Jonas.

“I’ll get some more,” Jonas replies and goes to the storeroom at the back where the glasses are stored. As he is figuring out how many glass he can take outside, he hears footsteps. As he turns around, his eyes meet Marco’s.

Marco is grinning at him. “I’m running out of glass, too.”

“Really?”

“Nah,” Marco replies, with a chuckle, making Jonas softly laugh. “I saw you, and it occurs to me that we haven’t talked at all today. Did you have a good time?”

Jonas could have told him he did, that today was fun. But as he looks into Marco’s hazel eyes, he can’t. “A bit. The hospital visit was great. But I—“ he pauses unsurely, averting his gaze to the floor before looking up at Marco again. “I’d rather be near you,” he says under his breath.

Marco looks at him for some long seconds before reaching out and caresses Jonas’s cheek with his thumb. “I was watching you when I could. I noticed how you stood near Mats in the entrance earlier, looking a bit downcast. I was thinking of coming to you, but I might give us away so I didn’t,” he says softly. “I should.”

Shaking his head, Jonas says, “No, it’s okay. All this Christmas vibe makes me feel a bit melancholic, I guess. I just… never mind.”

“What is it, Jonas? Tell me.”

After a second of hesitation Jonas says, “Pierre can always make you laugh, can’t he? When you’re with him you seem, I don’t know, cheery… crazier. So, I understand why you enjoy spending time with him.”

Marco lets out a soft sigh. “Pierre is fun, yes. Very much. But he doesn’t make me feel this weird sensation in my stomach like you do.”

His words make Jonas’s heart skip a beat, or two. But then something crosses his mind. “And I was wondering when you’d have enough of us seeing each other without anyone knowing.”

Marco still sounds patient when he says, “I said you can have all the time you need, didn’t I? I still mean it." And then he adds jokingly, "There’s no expiration date."

Jonas’s face breaks into a smile as he feels Marco’s thumb on his bottom lip. “It’s not a good idea to kiss you here, is it?” Marco asks, his gaze is fixed on Jonas’s lips, before darting up at his eyes.

“I guess.”

Marco pulls his hand back. “Later then.”

They walk back to the room, and Jonas places the glass he is carrying on the table. As he feels a hand gently brush against his back, a smile crosses his face. He can only see Marco’s retreating back as the blond walks to his place. But Jonas doesn’t need to see to know that there’s a smile on Marco’s face, too.

 


	2. Wall

Marco is chuckling at something Pierre tells him after Tuchel is done with his instruction, when someone kicks a ball towards him. He catches a glimpse of Jonas’s gaze at him before the brunet runs with the others. Marco can’t help but smile, gently shaking his head as his eyes meet Gonzalo’s who looks slightly amused.

Lady Luck must have been on his side today, since he and Jonas are in the same group almost the whole training. It doesn’t happen every day. But it has a downside, too, because they have to be careful not to give too much away. Marco doesn’t find it easy to tear his eyes off Jonas, when Jonas is smiling at him like that, and his blue eyes sparkle.

And to make matters worse for him, Jonas doesn’t seem to hold back this time. He kicks the ball towards Marco a few times more, wider or higher than he should, before again giving Marco a smile that makes it impossible not to smile back. Marco is sure that he does it on purpose.

Sometimes Marco can’t help wondering how their relationship would be like, if they didn’t need to hide it from their teammates. Then Marco could probably stay closer to Jonas whenever he had the chance, like Gonzalo or Erik do. For now it’s not a good idea. Yeah, he is very close to Pierre, but everyone knows they are just good friends. And he never looks at Pierre the way he looks at Jonas; surely somebody will notice.

And Marco is okay with that. He has promised Jonas that he will wait until he’s ready, and he will do that. If it was up to him, Marco would choose to come clean. But in this case, the decision is not his alone.

He is brought back to here and now as a ball hits his foot. Marco looks up and sees Jonas grin at him. They lock gaze for a long second before Pierre comes to him, breaking the spell. When Marco looks at Jonas again, the brunet has turned around.

~*~

The changing room is still empty when Marco walks in. He always likes to be the first to be there, so he has time to be in the shower before everyone else arrives. He is about to take off his shirt in the shower when he hears someone enter the room.

“You’re always here first,” Jonas says as he appears behind the bathroom wall.

Marco’s face automatically breaks into a smile. “Because I get to shower before everyone else.”

Jonas nods, and after looking at Marco for one more second, he is about to turn on his heel. “Where are you going?” Marco asks.

Shrugging, Jonas says, “Getting something to drink.”

“Not so fast.” Marco closes their distance and before Jonas does anything, he grabs Jonas’s wrist, gently pulling the brunet towards him. “You’ve been kicking the ball towards me all day. Don’t think you’ll get away with it,” he tries to sound stern, but the smile on his face betrays him.

Jonas lets out a laugh. “I just wanted you to think of me,” he says, looking up at Marco.

And Marco just wants to kiss him. But instead he says softly, “I always think of you,” still hasn’t let go of Jonas’s hand.

Jonas doesn’t reply. He merely looks at Marco in a way that makes time seem to slow down. Marco leans down and presses their lips together, cupping Jonas’s face with his other hand. Without he realises he has pushed Jonas against the wall, trapping him with his body.

As they both pull slightly away for air, Jonas breathes, “Marco, we can’t do this... People can walk in anytime.”

“I know,” Marco whispers against his lips. But instead of stepping back he kisses Jonas again, doesn’t know how he will be able to stop.

Then they hear noises from outside, which means that their teammates are close. Marco hesitantly pulls back, resting his forehead against Jonas’s. He wishes they could have more time, here on the other side of the wall. But they don’t.

A soft sigh escapes Marco’s lips as he brushes his nose against Jonas’s, and steps back as he hears the noise of their teammates enter the changing room. “I’ll see you tonight?” Jonas asks very softly.

“Of course.”

Jonas looks at him one more time before turns around and walks out of the bathroom. Marco doesn’t like the sudden loss he feels in the pit of his stomach when Jonas leaves him. It’s ridiculous because Jonas is still nearby. He can hear him talk to Schmelle behind the wall.

 _What have you gotten yourself into, Marco?_ Shaking his head gently, Marco takes off his clothes and starts the shower.

He has no idea, really. But he doesn’t mind.

 


	3. Sorry

This isn’t a hard thing to do. It’s just an interview, which he has done hundreds of times before. All he needs to do is answer all the questions. It sounds simple enough, but somehow it’s easier said than done. Especially when Jonas is on the pitch behind him for the cool down. Once or twice Marco gives in to the urge to get a glimpse of Jonas as he runs with the rest of the subs, inwardly scolding himself as he does so. _Come on, Marco, focus._

He finally breathes in relief as the interview is over.

Time passes quickly in the changing room, and the team is in a good mood after the victory. As the subs who cooled down are back inside, almost everyone else is done showering. Marco is drying his hair with a towel when Jonas walks past him to go to his place. He glances at Marco, but when Marco smiles at him he doesn’t smile back. Long after Jonas disappears in the bathroom, Marco still wonders why the brunet didn’t return his smile.

Has he done anything wrong?

Marco doesn’t have time to contemplate, or ask Jonas about it since as soon as the rest of the players are done showering they have to catch their train back to Dortmund. On the train, Marco is sitting with Pierre, with Adnan on the opposite side. He saw earlier that Jonas sat with Schmelle, Adrian and a few other guys on the other side of the train, quite far away from him. He can hear their laugh and chatter. Pierre can probably sense that Marco is not in the mood to talk much, so he just pats Marco’s shoulder before wearing his earphones and leaning back on his seat.

Unluckily for him, Adnan is not as perceptive as Pierre, given that he doesn’t know Marco as well as Pierre does. The boy keeps talking, and Marco politely listens, whilst wishing he could put his earplugs in and block all the noise that comes from the other side of the train. But he knows he can’t.

Finally after some time Adnan seems tired, and he leans back on his seat, closing his eyes. Marco takes the opportunity to look through Adnan’s shoulder. Most of the guys have put their earphones in and listened to music from their phone. So has Jonas, who’s now looking down at his phone. Marco watches him for a few more seconds before sinking back down on his seat.

When they’re back in Brackel, it’s past midnight. Everyone heads to their car, can’t wait to be home. As Marco waits for Jonas near his car, Pierre comes to him.

“Come on, bro, I’ll drive you home,” he says, still sounding cheerful even at this ungodly hour.

Marco gives him a faint smile. “Thanks, but Jonas has agreed to give me a lift.”

Pierre looks like he doesn’t expect that. “Okay. But I can easily drop you off, no need to bother Hoffi.”

 _Fuck._ Now what should he say? He knows Pierre is just being nice. “It’s okay. His flat is closer to mine. You go ahead; surely Alysha is still waiting for you,” Marco tries to assure him.

“Yeah, it’s really fine,” Jonas says as he approaches them. He must have heard what they were talking about.

“Okay. See you guys on Monday then,” Pierre says and then walks to his car.

Jonas looks at Marco for a second before opening the car door and gets in. After taking a deep breath, Marco opens the door to the passenger’s side and climbs inside.

~*~

They don’t talk much during the drive. After agreeing to go to Jonas’s place, they sort of fall into a silence. The radio is playing softly, but Marco is too preoccupied to notice what song is currently on. As soon as they enter Jonas’s flat, Marco can’t help but ask, “Is everything okay?”

Jonas places the car key on the table and turns around to face him. “Yes. Or no. I don’t know.”

Marco steps closer to him. “What’s wrong?” he asks softly. “What is bothering you?”

There’s silence for a moment before Jonas says, “You didn’t come to me after the match.” His voice is flat, yet it makes Marco’s heart ache. He opens his mouth, but Jonas speaks again before he can utter a word. “Yes. It’s because you didn’t want to give us away.”

“Everyone would be able to tell how I feel about you if I did, Jonas,” Marco says apologetically, moving one more step so that now he’s standing right in front of Jonas.

Jonas blinks as he looks up at him. “Do you think Pierre suspected something?”

Marco doesn’t know what to say. Knowing Pierre, he probably did, and he knows Marco well. But what should he tell Jonas? “I have no idea. Probably,” Marco says truthfully. “But even if he did, I’m sure he wouldn’t tell anyone if we asked him not to.”

“Maybe he wouldn’t. But someone else would notice, too, sooner or later, right?”

Letting out a sigh, Marco nods. Jonas fixes his gaze on the floor for a long second before looking back up at Marco and says, “I’m sorry.”

Marco puts his hands on each side of Jonas’s face. “I’m sorry, too.” _For feeling this way about you, that even sometimes it still scares me. For being selfish and wanting to keep you by my side. For everything I’ve put you through, for being with me._

_And for not telling you all of these._

“Let’s worry about it tomorrow,” Marco says, barely above a whisper. After a second of hesitation, Jonas nods. Marco leans down to claim his lips, pushing all his worries to the back of his mind.

This is what matters now.

 


	4. Normal

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> These Reumann stories have turned to be continuous. So, I would suggest to read from the beginning. :)

He can get used to this.

Jonas’s gaze flickers to Marco as the blond reaches for his coffee cup, hair still wet from the shower. The clock on the wall shows that it’s almost ten in the morning, which is not exactly early. But they slept rather late last night and there is no training today, so it’s all right. Marco notices that Jonas is watching him. He holds Jonas’s gaze and smiles at him. Jonas smiles faintly back before averting his eyes to the jar of strawberry jam on the table. Yeah, he can definitely get used to this.

Jonas likes having Marco in his kitchen, likes hearing his soft mumbles as he reads some news from his phone. Once or twice, Marco looks up at him and grins as he reads something funny, and Jonas automatically smiles back because how could he not?

Then when they are done with the breakfast and Jonas rises up from his chair to collect his plate, he hears Marco’s phone beep. After he reads the message, Marco gazes up at Jonas for a second before looking back down and typing a reply.

“It’s Robin,” Marco explains as he places his phone back on the table.

Jonas turns to look at him and nods.

“He was asking me if I wanted to hang out today.”

“What did you tell him?” Jonas asks, trying to sound neutral. He’d understand if Marco chose to spend time with his friends. They will meet in training on Tuesday anyway. Although if he’s being honest, Jonas would rather have him here. But he’d be fine if it wasn’t the case. No big deal, right?

Marco lightly shrugs. “I told him I already have plans for today.”

“Okay,” Jonas says, his voice doesn’t really reflect what he feels. But he guesses that his smile does.

“So, what do you want to do today?” Marco asks as he stands up, bringing his cup and plate to the sink.

To be honest, Jonas doesn’t really have a solid plan. He was thinking of baking some Christmas cookies, but now that Marco is here he’s not sure anymore. But Marco is still waiting for his reply, so Jonas clears his throat and says, “I’m not sure. I planned to bake something today, but I don’t think it will be interesting for you.”

Marco frowns. “What? Of course it is interesting. Baking is fun. I sometimes help my mum and sisters,” he says with a grin. “What do you want to bake?”

“ _Elisenlebkuchen*._ Like the one I did with Nobby. They’re slightly different from the ones my mum made, but they tasted really good, so I want to give it a try,” Jonas says, beginning to feel more at ease since Marco doesn’t seem to think it’s a boring idea.

“Sounds great. Do you have all the ingredients?”

Shaking his head, Jonas puts the plates and cups into the dishwasher and closes the door. “Not all of them. I have the basic ones like flour, cocoa powder, cinnamon, and sugar. But not the marzipan, ground almonds, candied orange peel and _Oblaten*_ wafers. So, I need to go get them first.”

“Then let’s go,” Marco says, heading towards the kitchen door when Jonas calls him. He stops on his tracks and turns around.

Jonas looks at him and says quietly, apologetically, “I don’t think it’s a good idea that we both go.”

Marco blinks as realisation crosses his face. “Of course. Silly me,” he says, letting out a faint smile.

“The supermarket is just around the corner. I’ll be back shortly,” Jonas tells him. Marco nods, and after looking at him for one more second, Jonas leaves the kitchen and heads towards the coat rack. If they were a normal couple, they could do this together. And he would be lying if he said he didn’t want it. But nothing about their relationship is normal, isn’t it? Jonas puts his coat on and leaves.

~*~

When he’s back about half an hour later, Marco is sitting on the sofa, fiddling with his phone. He smiles when he sees Jonas. “Did you get everything?”

“Yeah.”

“Great, let’s do it,” Marco says, getting up on his feet.

It’s good that Jonas still remembers the steps, because Marco certainly doesn’t help much. Jonas asks him to chop the candied orange and lemon peel finely, but the result is still rather coarse, so Jonas has to fix them. And then Marco almost puts too much gingerbread spice into the mixture. _Almost_. Luckily, Jonas stops him just in time.

“Did you say you help your mum and sisters to bake?” Jonas asks as the cookies are already in the oven. “Doesn’t seem like it.”

Marco lets out a chuckle. “Well, I try, but they normally won’t let me. But I often help cleaning out the mixture,” he says in a joking tone.

“By eating it, yeah.” Jonas laughs.

Marco laughs, too, but his face softens as he looks at Jonas. “You’re so cute.”

Jonas feels his face heat up, and he hides it by peering into the oven. “They should be done soon.”

“Can hardly wait.”

~*~

The rest of the day passes so fast. _Too fast_. The cookies taste delicious, and they play FIFA for nearly two hours until it’s time to make dinner. Marco is not a good cook, and his excuse is that his mum lives close by and she brings him food every so often. Jonas has lived far away from home for years, and thus he is a much better cook.

“It’s getting late. I have an early photoshoot tomorrow, so I think I should go home now,” Marco says softly after dinner.

“Sure. I’ll drive you.”

Marco looks at him. “Are you sure? I can always take a taxi.”

“Yeah, it’s fine,” Jonas assures him, with a smile. “I’ll get the car key.” Driving him means being with him a bit longer. It’s ridiculous, because they will see each other again on Tuesday. But, Jonas doesn’t care.

On the way to Marco’s place neither of them speaks much. And way too soon, Jonas can already see Marco’s driveway. He stops the car, and hesitantly turns to look at Marco, who is watching him. “So, see you on Tuesday,” Jonas says, putting up a smile.

Marco doesn’t smile back. Instead he leans forward and kisses Jonas, only pulling away when they both are breathless.

“See you.”

If they were a normal couple, Jonas wouldn’t sit in the car, watching Marco disappear behind the front door. They would be together, in bed, under the covers. Jonas would probably rest his head in the crook of Marco’s neck, and Marco would draw some patterns on Jonas’s upper arm because that’s what he does.

But they are not a normal couple.

Taking a deep breath, Jonas starts the car and drives away.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Elisenlebkuchen_ is some kind of German gingerbread.  
>  _Oblaten_ wafers are thin, looking like Communion wafers.  
>  If you haven't watched Jonas in Nobby Kocht! video, I suggest you to do it, because it's lovely, as well as you'd be able to picture better what Jonas and Marco are doing here. :D


	5. Dependency

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Durmann drabbles is now called [Christmas Drabbles](http://archiveofourown.org/works/5395706). I'm sorry for the confusion.
> 
> The Reumann fic will continue here, and they are chronological. :)

A defeat always feels bitter, just as a victory feels sweet. And losing at home is something Marco really despises. It may sound so cliché, but they could have done better. Yes, a victory wouldn’t help them to take the first place anyway, since Krasnodar wins, but there’s no excuse for the way the team played tonight. Zipping up his jacket, Marco waves one more time towards the fans in the East Tribune and walks towards the tunnel.

Just before he reaches the tunnel he turns around, looking at the pitch. Jonas is talking with Papa, doesn’t seem to notice that Marco is looking at him. After a few more seconds, Marco turns back and continues to walk down the tunnel.

Later they go to the car park separately. Although by now Marco assumes that quite a few of their teammates must have noticed that Jonas _almost_ always drives Marco home. They don’t ask any question, but Marco can’t help wondering if they think there’s something going on between the two of them. Pierre gives Marco a knowing look when he walks past him, as Marco is waiting for Jonas near his car. Though he says nothing about it, only that he’ll see Marco tomorrow.

Yeah, Marco feels rather bad. But he can’t tell Pierre anything; not before Jonas is ready for anyone to know about them.

Jonas shows up not long after Pierre is gone, and they quickly get in the car. Marco glances at him as he stops the car in traffic. “It wasn’t a good game,” Marco starts, after the radio announcer said something about a two-kilometre long queue near the stadium.

“Yeah,“ Jonas replies, keeping his eyes on the road, despite the car is still not moving.

“We could—should—have done better,” Marco says again.

There is a second of silence before Jonas says, “At least you played.” He doesn’t raise his voice or anything, but the coldness in his voice is way worse than if he did.

And Marco doesn’t know what to say. He wants to tell Jonas that he feels for him, that he wishes things would be different. But none of them feels adequate. So in the end, Marco doesn’t say anything. And neither does Jonas.

The rest of the journey feels like a blur as so many thoughts are running around in Marco’s head. He knows from the beginning that it won’t be easy to get their relationship to work. Jonas still doesn’t seem to want to fully open up to him about certain things. _Like this one._ He is roused from his reverie when they drive past a very familiar road and a moment later, Jonas stops the car in front of Marco’s place.

Marco looks at him, feeling puzzled. Aren’t they supposed to go to Jonas’s flat tonight, and then go to training together tomorrow? Before he has a chance to ask, Jonas says, “I’ll pick you up tomorrow. I need some time alone.” He looks at Marco. “I hope you’re okay with it.”

 _No_. Marco is not okay with this, not okay with Jonas choosing to shut him down one more time, just as he thought they were going to the right direction. _I guess I was wrong_.

Despite not feeling like smiling, Marco lets out a faint smile. “It’s okay. I’ll see you tomorrow.” And after brushing Jonas’s cheek with his hand, he opens the door and climbs out of the car. He walks towards the front door, doesn’t stop and turn around, because who knows if he might change his mind.

~*~

Jonas has tried to sleep for the last half an hour. He closes his eyes only to open them again, for he doesn’t know how many times already. His bed feels cold, and empty. And he hates this hollow feeling in the pit of his stomach when he’s lying down on his own, and earlier when he saw Marco’s training bag in the living room.

He wants Marco here. _But, you’re the one who pushed him away._ Yes, because he was afraid. He can only hold on to his self-restraints for so long, when Marco is giving him that tender look. It makes Jonas want to feel Marco’s arms wrapped around him, wishing he could crawl inside his skin. His growing dependency on Marco terrifies him. Which is why he fled, thinking it would make him feel better.

Yeah, who is he kidding?

Finally after some more tossing and turning, Jonas can’t take it anymore. He rolls down from bed and gets dressed. Then he grabs the car key from the table and leaves.

Jonas hesitates for a second before ringing the doorbell. And he only has to wait for a short minute before Marco opens the door. The blond looks surprised, but then he opens the door wider and steps back so Jonas can come in.

Now that they’re both inside, Jonas doesn’t know what to say. He looks at Marco as he takes off his coat, and Marco doesn’t say anything either, doesn’t ask why he’s here. Jonas supposes he’s giving Jonas time until he’s ready to talk. Marco always seems to do that, giving him time, with everything.

“I’m sorry I left,” Jonas starts, lowering his gaze to the floor before looking back up. Marco doesn’t say anything, he merely nods. Jonas knows that Marco is probably hurt from how he just left him earlier, and he should be.

And Jonas wishes he could explain better, but the only words that come out of his mouth are, “I just want to play.”

It sounds so inadequate, but looking at how Marco’s face softens, he might understand after all. “I know. Trust me,” Marco says, closing the space between them. He pulls Jonas into his arms and kisses his hair.

Jonas buries his face in the crook of Marco’s neck. “I do,” he says in a muffled voice. “I just don’t like what I feel when I’m not with you. And it terrifies me.”

Marco tightens his hold around Jonas, doesn’t say anything for a moment. “If this will make you feel better,” he says, barely above a whisper, “I feel the same way about you.”

It takes a while for Jonas to wrap his head around what Marco just said. And when it finally sinks in, he closes his eyes, feeling Marco’s heart beat against his chest, probably matching his own heartbeat. Maybe Marco is as terrified as he is about their feeling.

Maybe it’s a good thing, or a bad thing. Jonas doesn’t know.

Nor does he care.

 


	6. Goodbye

Marco always hates goodbyes. He doesn’t like the feeling of being left behind. Even when he knows he’ll see the person again soon. But when Jonas is with him, like now, he pushes that thought all the way to the back of his mind.

A smile crosses Marco’s lips when he feels Jonas’s fingers gently thread through his hair. He still has his eyes closed, feeling too comfortable to open them. They were sitting on the sofa earlier when Marco felt slightly sleepy and without he realised he had laid his head on Jonas’s lap and almost fallen asleep. _Almost_. But he guesses that he likes the feel of Jonas’s fingers on his hair. He doesn’t even care how messy his hair will look later. Yeah, shocking.

When Jonas’s hand hasn’t moved for the last minute or so, Marco opens his eyes and sees that Jonas is reading something on his phone. “I thought you were asleep,” Jonas says, his gaze is still fixed on his phone, but there’s a smile on his face.

Marco tilts his head a bit to be able to see him better. “Your hand stopped moving,” he says, and it makes Jonas laugh softly.

“And I thought you don’t like people touching your hair.” Finally Jonas looks down at him. And Marco would just sit up and kiss him if his phone didn’t ring. _Perfect timing_. Groaning slightly, Marco moves and reaches for his phone on the table.

“It’s Robin,” Marco says as he looks at the name on the display. Jonas nods and Marco leans back on the sofa, pressing the answer button. “Yeah, Robin, what’s up?”

“Dude, I haven’t heard from you since fucking Friday. How are you? It’s nothing serious, isn’t it?” Robin says as soon as he hears Marco’s voice.

Moving the phone to the other ear, Marco places his free hand on top of Jonas’s knee and draws some irregular circles. “Yeah, sorry about that. I’m fine. It doesn’t seem to be serious so far but we’re gonna need to take it easy.” Jonas stops him by holding his hand, making Marco smile.

“Okay, I’m coming over. Marcel wanted to come, too, but he has to work.”

 _What?_ Marco turns to Jonas, whose expression slightly changes, indicating he also heard what Robin said. “Robin, no, I’m—I mean you don’t have to worry about me. I’m fine,” Marco quickly says.

He hears a rustling sound from the other side, like Robin is moving. “I’m coming anyway. See you soon.” And he ends the call before Marco even has time to say anything. _Well, shit._

“He’s coming here,” Marco tells Jonas, putting his phone back on the table.

Jonas gently shakes his head. “It’s okay. I need to leave for training, anyway. It’s good that you’ll have a company.”

“Yeah, I guess so,” Marco replies. “I’ll see you tonight?”

Jonas lets out a soft sigh. “I can’t. I told you that my friend from Hoffenheim is coming today, right? He’ll be staying at my place. And tomorrow we’re leaving to Augsburg. So, I’ll see you on Thursday.”

Not sure it’s the information Marco wants to hear. Thursday sounds so long. Nevertheless he nods. “Okay.”

After watching him for a second, Jonas leans forward and kisses him, pulling away all too soon. And Marco has to restrain himself from pulling him back towards him. “See you, Marco.”

“See you.”

Yeah, Marco hates goodbyes.

~*~

Robin is staying over until Tuesday and whilst it is fun having him there, Marco feels that he sometimes gives him a curious glance. Like now when Marco is looking at his phone for the third time in the last ten minutes. When he’s looking back up, Robin is watching him.

“You’re seeing someone.” That’s not a question.

Marco lets out a laugh, that sounds fake even to his own ears. “What? Why do you think so?”

“You’ve been distracted all day. You keep checking your phone and look disappointed when you see there’s nothing,” Robin says. “And you’re a terrible liar so don’t even bother.” Marco’s silence has answered the question. Robin continues, “So, who is this person? Someone I know?”

Shaking his head slowly, Marco says, “I can’t tell you, Robin, I’m sorry.”

Robin doesn’t look amused. “You can’t tell _me_?”

“I’ve promised him I won’t tell anyone,” Marco sighs. “Please understand.”

After a second of uncomfortable silence, Robin finally nods. “Fine.” When their eyes meet, Marco gives him a grateful smile.

On Wednesday, Marco is watching the match by himself because Marcel once again has to work and Robin is doing something with his girlfriend. Sitting on the sofa, being wrapped up in a blanket, Marco shakes his head in frustration as the referee assistant raises his flag for offside again, for what must be the fifth time already.

His mood improves when Pierre scores, and then Miki not long after. But the minutes keep ticking, and there’s no sign that Jonas is going to come on. And then Matthias is subbed in for Ilkay for the final substitution, and Marco’s heart sinks. He honestly thought that Jonas would get to play in this match. He guesses he was wrong, again.

Marco reaches for his phone, wanting to write a message to Jonas. But what should he tell him? Nothing feels sufficient. So, in the end Marco puts his phone back on the table. As he looks back at the TV, his teammates are greeting the travelling fans. And Marco wishes he didn’t see it, didn’t see the look on Jonas’s face. He switches off the TV and closes his eyes.

But even then he can still see Jonas’s face.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you haven't/didn't watch the match [this](http://woodyinholover.tumblr.com/post/135375353138) is what Marco saw on TV, the way Jonas looked after the match.


	7. Flames

Marco has lost count how many times he picks up his phone and wants to write Jonas something that night, only to back out and delete whatever he has written. None of those feel good enough. He keeps his phone close to him in case Jonas writes something or even calls. But as the night goes by, it’s obvious that he won’t. Looking at his phone one more time, Marco takes a deep breath and places it back on the nightstand. It may be best to leave Jonas alone for now.

He is half asleep when his phone beeps. Almost knocking the digital clock down, Marco grabs the phone and feeling disappointed when he sees that it’s a text from Pierre. Of course. He messaged Pierre earlier, congratulating him on the goal and that they made it to the quarterfinal. This is Pierre’s reply, saying they have landed in Paderborn, and that he’ll see Marco soon. Well, at least he knows that Jonas will soon be home. Marco puts the phone back, and lies down again.

In the morning, Marco wakes up before the alarm clock rings. His sleep was restless, but it’s better than not sleeping at all, right? When he is back from the shower, he sees a new message notification on his phone. It could be from anyone. His mum sometimes texts him early in the morning, telling him some things she reads in the newspaper. But he also can’t shake off the hope that it may be Jonas.

_I’ll be there at ten._

That short sentence brings a smile on Marco’s face, for the first time since last night. He refrains himself from writing a lot, only typing a “See you soon.” There will be time to talk later. There’s no need to overwhelm Jonas already. After getting dressed, Marco heads to the kitchen for breakfast. The clock shows a bit over half past eight. _One and a half hours to go._

~*~

The moment Jonas sees Marco’s face, he knows today is not going to be easy. All the words he has planned to say have seemed to leave his mind, when Marco is looking at him like that. So, Jonas breaks the eye contact, walking past Marco towards the living room. The room is quiet, all too quiet. Jonas can hear Marco’s approaching footsteps behind him.

“I’m sorry,” Marco says softly. Jonas can feel that Marco is close behind him, but not close enough.

 _So am I... Because of what’s going to happen next_.

Jonas turns around and meets Marco’s gentle look, and it almost feels too much, but Jonas holds his gaze. “Even with you and Adnan not being there, I still didn’t play. It can’t be more obvious, can it?”

A part of Jonas expects Marco to say something comforting, that his chance will come sooner or later. But somehow he knows that Marco isn’t going to do that. The sadness in Marco’s eyes makes his heart ache, even more so than it already does.

“Do you think about leaving?”

How Jonas wishes things would be different, that he could say it never even crossed his mind. He blinks, feeling that his eyes are getting hot. “What other choice do I have? People like you can have some bad games and keep playing. For others, like me, we don’t have that luxury,” Jonas says, sounding snappier than he intended. “When I have one bad game, I’ll be lucky if I can redeem myself the next full moon.”

Marco is looking at him in silence. Jonas wishes he would snap back at him instead. He wanted to apologise, but somehow he—can’t. It’s so easy to take his anger out on Marco, so convenient. He’s there, and he doesn’t bite back. And Jonas needs this, needs to let it all out. “What? You know I’m right. But of course you’ll never know how it feels to be dropped after one game. One game that wasn’t even _that_ bad.”

Marco still says nothing. He gently reaches out and grasps Jonas’s hand. Jonas just wants to hug him, but his pride keeps him from doing that. So, he pulls his hand back and strides across the room. Entering the bathroom, he braces himself against the washstand and squeezes his eyes shut as some hot tears trickle through his lashes.

Seconds become minutes as he is standing there. And Marco doesn’t come after him.

~*~

Marco doesn’t know how long Jonas has stayed in the bathroom. A moment after Jonas left the room he flopped down on the sofa, suddenly feeling exhausted. His head is spinning and there is a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach. He has kind of expected it, but now seeing Jonas’s devastated face, it feels more real, and it doesn’t make anything easier.

His heartbeat quickens as he hears the bathroom door open, and before he can do anything he feels a pair of arms around his shoulder, and then Jonas’s breathing on the side of his face as the brunet murmurs, “I’m sorry.” Marco lifts a hand and clutches on Jonas’s arm across his chest, followed by the other hand.

“I wish things were different,” Jonas says again. “That we had more time.”

Marco tightens his hold on Jonas’s arm. “We’ll be fine.”

He feels Jonas sigh against his cheek. “Marco, I can’t do this to you. Not again.” And he doesn’t even need to say a name. They both know what he’s talking about. Or rather _who_.

“I’m not giving up on you, Jonas. We’ll be okay,” Marco says, wishing he could sound more certain, his voice less shaky. And there is no way Jonas would miss it, but he doesn’t say anything about it.

“We’ll be okay,” Jonas repeats in a whisper. And Marco turns his head to catch his lips.

Maybe they will get through this just fine, or maybe not. Maybe everything will go down in flames, and there will be nothing they can do about it.

But for now Marco couldn’t care less.

 


	8. Hours

“Isn’t this nice?” Jonas asks, as soon as he steps inside and Marco walks behind him. He watches as the blond leaves his suitcase in the corner before taking in the surrounding.

“Very nice,” Marco says, averting his eyes at Jonas, a smile crosses his lips.

The lovely ski chalet is near Salzburg, where they will spend two days together before they have to go home for Christmas. Marco was in Vienna with his friends, and Jonas was already here with his family and some friends for his brother’s bachelor party in a hotel not so far from the chalet. Jonas picked Marco up in the local airport this morning, which is about an hour’s drive away.

“They have a central heating, but there is a fireplace, too,” Jonas explains as he reaches for Marco’s hand, taking him across the living room. Their boots make some squeaking noise on the wooden floor. Jonas stops near the window, where they can see the snowy mountain and the valleys. “It must be beautiful in the summer, too.”

Then they move towards the kitchen, Jonas still has Marco’s hand in his. “This place is perfect. The bus stop to the ski slope is only five minutes away by foot, and it stops near the resort. The bus comes every fifteen minutes. It’s easier than driving there, because the car park is further away.” Then he notices that Marco is watching him with a smile on his face. “What?”

Marco lets out a chuckle. “You sound like you want to sell this chalet to me.”

Jonas laughs, too. “So, would you buy it?”

“Of course,” Marco says softly, his eyes never leave Jonas’s face. “How could I not?”

Marco’s words still make his heart beat faster, even after all this time. Jonas quickly puts up a smile and continues to walk. “The bathroom is here and the bedroom is right next to it,” he says, opening the bedroom door, where a huge double bed with white bed linen and a brown duvet lies in the middle of the room.

“Really nice,” Marco says, stepping towards the bed, but Jonas holds his hand.

“No, Marco, you’re not lying down. We have to catch the bus soon before midday.”

Marco looks amused. “Not even for ten minutes?” When Jonas shakes his head, he says again, teasingly “Five? Oh come on. You won’t even give me time to catch my breath?” He sits down on the bed and pulls Jonas close.

Taking a deep breath, Jonas finally relents. “Okay, but we’re leaving in ten minutes.” He’s about to walk away but Marco is still holding him, and before he can do anything Marco tugs his hand, taking Jonas by surprise. He lets out a gasp as he falls down on the bed. Marco leans over him, with a smile on his lips. “Is this what you mean by catching your breath?” Jonas asks jokingly, despite his racing heartbeat.

“Maybe,” Marco says in a murmur. His face is getting closer and closer, and Jonas closes his eyes as soon as Marco’s lips touch his.

“Marco… we need to leave,” Jonas protests weakly between kisses. Marco mumbles a ‘yeah’ but he doesn’t stop, until Jonas gently pushes him away. “We only have two days,” he says, putting his hand on Marco’s face.

Marco looks at him and sighs. “Okay, let’s go. Out in the cold again.” He shifts and rises from the bed, before helping Jonas to get to his feet. Jonas watches as Marco opens his suitcase and takes out a winter hat. He doesn’t want to think about how fast time passes when he is with Marco.

About how many hours they have left.

~*~

They just have to wait for a few minutes for the bus, much to Jonas’s relief. And then after having lunch in the resort, they take one of the chairlifts and get ready to ski. They start at the lower part of the hill, where not many people are around. After doing a few rounds, Jonas teases Marco that he is not good at skiing, which Marco doesn’t directly deny.

“I haven’t skied recently,” Marco says, as he catches up with Jonas at the bottom of the hill. “I normally go to warmer places, too. Like to Miami last year, and Dubai the year before.”

“Yeah, I figured you don’t like the cold so much.” Adjusting his goggles, Jonas says, “Come on, let’s go higher.” He bursts out laughing when he sees the horror on Marco’s face. “You should look at your face.”

“Going higher is a bad idea.” Marco lets out a nervous laugh.

Jonas sighs dramatically. “Fine. Then let’s do something else.”

“Like?”

“Like this.” Before Marco can react, Jonas drops his poles and scoops a handful of snow, taking Marco’s hat off and aiming his hair. Marco tries to dodge, but it’s way too late.

Soon, Marco drops his poles as well and chases Jonas who runs, their laughter being swallowed by the wind. Marco manages to grabs Jonas’s jacket and the brunet shrieks as the cold snow hits his cheek. “At least I didn’t go for your hair,” Marco says after he stops laughing, and then he laughs again when Jonas playfully pushes him.

“You really don’t want to go higher?” Jonas asks when they have thrown more snowballs at each other. Marco’s hair is white with snow. Jonas watches in amusement when he tries to shake the snow off his hair. “It won’t be long before it gets dark.”

“Positive,” Marco replies, putting his hat back on. “Anything but going higher.”

Jonas arches his eyebrows. “Anything?” His face breaks into a grin.

Marco looks at him rather warily. “What do you have in mind?” he asks with a sigh.

“There’s an ice rink on the other side of the hill. Ice skating sounds fun and harmless, right?” Jonas says. “Let’s go.” He tugs at Marco’s hand. Sighing once more, Marco picks up his poles and follows him.

~*~

They store their ski equipment—the goggles, poles, boards, and everything else—in the locker room and rent two pairs of skates. There are only a handful of people around, and even if there were more, nobody would recognise them here. Where everyone is wrapped up in their thick winter clothes. After they skate for a few minutes, it’s clear that Marco is pretty bad at ice skating as well. He is quite stiff on the ice, and he doesn’t look comfortable. Jonas is not a great skater himself, but he still can skate a lot faster than Marco.

“Not your thing either?” Jonas asks teasingly, slowing his pace down and taking Marco’s hand.

“Well, yeah,” Marco says with a shrug. “I don’t even remember the last time I did this.”

They slide slowly around the rink. Jonas glances at Marco who looks like he’s trying keep his balance. “But you’re still doing it,” he says.

Still looking straight ahead, Marco replies matter-of-factly, “Because you wanted it.”

Jonas turns to him, feeling some warmth in his chest because of what Marco said. And then Marco turns his head and their eyes meet for some long seconds, before someone suddenly crosses in front of them, cutting their way. Marco loses his balance and stumbles, dragging Jonas down with him.

“Ice skating is harmless, yeah,” Marco jokes, making Jonas chuckle.

“Harmless for most people, I guess,” Jonas says after they stop laughing. He’s still on top of Marco, and just as he’s about to get to his feet, Marco pulls his head down and kisses him.

It’s a quick kiss, that ends before Jonas even realises what happens. When Marco pulls away, Jonas blinks, looking at him. Marco says softly, “Come on, it’s getting cold.”

 _No._ It means the day will soon be over. “Just a bit longer,” he says, forcing a smile. “Please.”

Marco watches him for a second before nodding. “Okay.”

And they continue to skate, slowly, Jonas never lets go of Marco’s hand. Until the sun is setting, and people leave the rink one by one. Jonas stops when he sees that Marco is shivering a little, adjusting his scarf.

“Let’s go back to the resort and find something to eat,” Jonas tells him. Marco agrees, and by the time they arrive at the restaurant, it’s already ten minutes past five.

Time is cruel, isn’t it? The more he wants it to slow down, the more it will speed up.

No matter how much he holds onto it.

~*~

The moment they’re back in the chalet, Jonas says that he’s going to start the fire. It’s gonna make himself busy for a bit, and he likes the sight of it. As he is kneeling in front of the fireplace, he can hear the rustling sound of Marco taking his jacket off. The room is already warm enough from the central heating, and it’s only going to be warmer once the fire is lit.

After the fire is burning, Jonas stands up and turns around, his eyes immediately meet Marco’s. “It looks great, doesn’t it?” Jonas says, with a smile, averting his gaze down as he unzips his jacket. Marco doesn’t reply. When Jonas looks back up, Marco is still watching him. His gaze is deep and intense, and it makes Jonas feel somehow warmer. Although it can be the fire, too.

“What’s wrong?” Jonas asks, tilting his head.

Marco steps closer. When he speaks, his voice is low and slightly raspy. “The things the fire does to your eyes.” He reaches out and touches Jonas’s face with his fingertips, before moving down to the side of his neck. “So _fucking_ beautiful.”

And then Marco presses their lips together, his hands wander down, shrugging Jonas’s jacket off his shoulders. Jonas lets out a gasp as he feels Marco’s tongue touch his own, setting him on fire. His hand slides under Marco’s shirt, feeling his skin.

They continue to kiss on the way to the bedroom, only breaking the kiss once for air. And Marco pushes Jonas up against the wall, next to the bedroom door, his lips finding their way to Jonas’s jawline. Jonas’s head bumps against the wooden wall, but he doesn’t feel any pain.

“Marco…” Jonas breathes as Marco gently nibbles his ear.

Marco’s lips are soon back on his again. “Perfect,” he whispers against Jonas’s lips. “You’re perfect.”

Jonas replies by kissing him, deeper, more frantic. He buries his fingers in Marco’s hair, feeling that time finally stands still.

~*~

“Good morning,” Marco says softly when Jonas slowly opens his eyes.

Jonas blinks a few times, and then replies in a sleepy voice, “Good morning. How long have you been awake?”

“A while.”

He woke up quite some time ago, and has been watching Jonas sleep, from time to time touching Jonas’s hair that looks so dark on the white pillow.

Jonas shifts closer, putting his hand on Marco’s arm. “What time is it?”

Covering Jonas’s hand with his, Marco says, “A bit over nine.” Jonas closes his eyes again, making Marco smile. “What do you want to do today?”

“Just being here like this,” Jonas murmurs. “With you.”

“Sounds great,” Marco replies, his eyes remain fixed on Jonas. A moment later Jonas opens his eyes; the exquisite blue eyes that never fail to take Marco’s breath away. “So, it will be Gladbach?” Marco asks, breaking the silence.

Jonas slowly nods.

Marco says again, “Gladbach is a great club, I’m sure you’ll fit well.”

“I hope so,” Jonas says.

“And it’s not far from Dortmund. We’ll be fine.”

Jonas doesn’t reply right away. “We won’t be able to see each other every day,” he finally says, with a melancholy in his voice.

“It doesn’t matter,” Marco says quickly. “We’ll make it work.”

Jonas looks at him for a long time and then says, “I love you, Marco,” barely above a whisper.

Marco lets out a shaky breath before leaning forward to claim Jonas’s mouth, kissing him senselessly, pressing their bodies together until they both gasp for air. “I love you,” Marco breathes. “So much...”

 _Maybe too much._ Marco never felt like this about anyone before. Not this much.

But he doesn’t care.

“We don’t have much time left,” Jonas murmurs, caressing Marco’s cheek with his fingers.

Marco looks down at him, smiling as Jonas’s thumb touches his lips. “Then let’s make the most of it.” A faint smile crosses Jonas’s lips, and Marco can’t look away.

_So fucking beautiful._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is it. The final chapter. Thank you for everyone who has read and commented. This fic is special to me, and it has been a pleasure to write.
> 
> I hope you enjoyed it. 
> 
> And Happy New Year!

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you like it.


End file.
